Life lessons from a Serial Online Dater #1

Jake was tall and outdoorsy looking.  Kind of like this geology major I had a crush on in college, Kevin.  I met Kevin in the cafeteria one day and never really made a move.  He’s married now, to the same girl my ex tried to date before me.  Small campus.

I messaged Jake the first day I signed up for my online dating account, skipped the small talk and asked him to meet in person.  He agreed and planned an entire evening.  We said we would meet at North Station (The Gahhden, if you’re a sports fan) by the Bobby Orr statue, and walk over to the North end together.  I stood by that crazy memorial watching tourists take pictures for about 20 minutes, thinking I had been stood up.  Typical.  But finally, Jake called, apologized for being late, and said he could see me.  I looked up to find a man who was at least 8 years older than his profile picture, wearing shoes that may have been slippers with holes in them, walking towards me with a cell phone to his ear.


He brought me to a little sports bar, where I tried to my best to get wasted in the hour and a half we had before our dinner reservation, and had the same conversation (I would later find out) that I was about to have with every guy I met.  What do you do again? Do you play any sports?  What kind of dance did you do?  What can you do with a Biology major? Have you traveled abroad?  Do you have siblings?…  

Dinner was at this tiny Italian restaurant that apparently was the latest trendy spot in the North End.  It had way too many tables and we were seated almost on top of the couple next to us, who I recognized from the 40 minute long line we had to wait in outside on the sidewalk.  Jake told me all about his life- staying in his apartment almost all of the time to work on a self driving car model.  I feel terrible now, but at the time I was so disappointed that I gave him a piece of my mind:  Cars should not drive themselves, you’re setting the entire population up for a TERRIBLE disaster.  I said it with my concerned nanny voice just to try to be nice.  He continued to try and persuade me.  About halfway through my dinner, I wasn’t even paying attention.

He walked me back to North Station, and I coined my first ever ditching phrase, “Well, this is where we part ways.  It was nice meeting you.”  As in, we will never meet again.

The lesson:  ALWAYS conduct extensive research before meeting someone from an online dating site.  Or at least have a conversation to make sure you’ll have something in common.


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